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Editorials   E3: No Mario Kart at the Press Conference!
- By Nathaniel Walker [Associate Editor]

Metroid made us laugh, and cry. Darling little Link stole our hearts. Mario made us gasp with disbelief as we swiveled over the depths of gaming wonderment (shut up). There were snowboards, and funny little animals with shovels, and Star Foxes with fluffy good looks and laser sticks.

But oh! Alas, and most certainly alack, there was no Mario Kart. Even at the dramatic close of Nintendo’s phenomenal and awe-inspiring press conference, when a veritable menagerie of clips and scenes were splashed in front of our teary eyes, even when all of the games, arranged by genre, were paraded out via screen and speaker at lightning speed to shock and bewilder as much as to inform, there was no Mario Kart. Not even a single shoddy screen of pre-rendered crap. Nothing. Nada. Nichts. In order for me to convey my disappointment, I shall have to recommend a separate and unrelated website as an emotional point-of-reference. At this moment, you can find a fairly accurate representation of my heart at the oft-heralded www.doodie.com.

It astonishes me even to think about it. I mean, goodness--Nintendo is not exactly in a position where they can be content to just hold the fort and keep fresh water handy. The competition they are being forced to confront is very real, and very brutal, and very strong. I don’t understand why, at this pivotal moment in gaming history, they have not unloaded every single weapon in their arsenal. I mean, really! A short clip is all I would have asked for. Even a few seconds worth of interface footage or character-select screens would have made the presence of Mighty Mario Kart felt, if not crushingly so.

But honestly--maybe it is just me. Maybe I am the only person in the world who cares this much. After all, I was neither surprised nor wounded to find a new Dr. Mario game missing from this morning’s roster, and there must be at least a few poor souls who treasure that game as much as I love my Kart. But at the same time, everybody knows that Mario Kart is at least a very popular game, with a very hefty sales record. And the game’s unprecedented multiplayer power has not been rivaled too often since the release of Goldeneye for the N64. It’s a big gun...so why did Nintendo fail to even wave it around in a show of Gameboy bravado, if not pop a few rounds off? Why am I crying right now? I mean, aside from the fact that it’s my party and I’ll cry if I bloody well please?

I’ll tell you why I’m crying right now: because I am an ingrate. Honestly, I have no real cause to complain. The footage revealed this morning of Metroid, and Zelda, and oh-my-dear-heavens Super Mario Sunshine was more than enough to convince me that Nintendo’s currently defensive posture will not have to long be maintained. By the end of this year (possibly the beginning of the next for Zelda) those gurus of gaming are pulling out some seriously heavy weaponry. Four million-selling titles in as many months! Sony may not be quaking in its velvet boots quite yet, but that is probably only because it is too bloated to see its own feet. The company has failed to realize how unsuited its swollen digits are for the road ahead. Nintendo is through playing around, with power or anything else.

But still…I have to admit I that even after I adjust my attitude to better reflect my role in an adult reality, I still feel a lingering since of disappointment. Mario Kart is not my favorite series, but it is the series I have wondered the most about and anticipated with the greatest since of tension. I want it, I want some sign that it exists, and I want some indication that my wait will one day end.

But I guess I will have to wait for that, too. And so--I am sorry to say--will you. Perhaps, and I truly hope beyond hope for this, tomorrow and the first official day of E3 will prove to have some surprises yet. Maybe we will see a little Kart footage or something. You never know! Ha ha…erk. It’s possible…zoiks! Garf.

Either way, I shall raise my head proudly and celebrate Nintendo’s innumerable and almost incomprehensible victories instead of wallowing in my own petty defeat. Personally, I think they were stupid for not even tossing us a bone on the game. But, since they seem to be doing almost everything else correctly, it would be unfair and almost ignorant of me to claim they have played a poor game. Really, this Fall and Winter shall be dominated by Nintendo to an almost unprecedented level.

And while the crashing and burning of my own hopes for Mario Kart is still ringing in my ears, I have some advice yet for Nintendo’s competition. I would like to tell Sony and Microsoft to beware the lofty perches of their own egos: the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Perhaps Mario Kart will be the death blow administered to the corporate goliaths after the walls of their gaming Jerichos collapse in the wake of marching Marios, Metroids, Zeldas, and Star Foxes. In the meantime, I shall appreciate what exists today, and reinvest my hopes in the future. I want Mario Kart. I want it enough to wait.