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Editorials 
The return of the "King of the Rambling Editorial". Hooray!
- By Neal
Gittens [Associate Editor]
Ahhhh…. Once again, I have returned with words of inspiration and wisdom for all my loyal followers. OK, so I’ve been gone for a couple weeks, and no one likely even noticed, but we all have to convince ourselves of things here and there in our lives. I just need some reassurance right about now that I am not fruitlessly typing on my computer at 3 in the morning for no reason. This will end up basically being a hodgepodge collection of random thoughts and tidbits from the last few weeks of my life, so those of you who are fans of continuous theme in your readings, please be forewarned. OK, here we go…
Thighs – Unfortunately, this topic isn’t inspired by a new Britney Spears video, it is in fact brought about by the fact that mine are in fact in great pain. Umping baseball games can take a great toll on your legs if you don’t stretch them, and I did so (umping) without also doing so (stretching). If thighs weren’t so good at bridging the gap between my knees and torso, I’d probably do away with them altogether right about now. However, with no suitable replacement at this time, I will just have to suffer. The kicker? I get to ump again tomorrow. So if you hear a story on the national news about a man who attempted to attach his knees directly to his hip sockets, you know what inspired it.
Week in Review: Part 1– I spent the past week and a half in Seattle, WA for my cousin’s graduation, and it paid off greatly. Well, I actually had to pay for the coolness that ensued, but it was cool nonetheless. First off, I am now the proud owner of a WaveBird. Probably not big news to anyone, but screw you if you can’t be happy for me and my WaveBird! That aside, the ‘Bird is a fine piece of machinery, and a wireless controller is something I am not quite used to just yet. For example, whenever I finish playing my ‘Cube, I go to set the controller down, and normally do a little flip move with the controller to move the cord up towards the Cube, where I’ll set the controller. Well, I still seem to do this with the WaveBird, which is a little embarrassing when I do it in front of people. Many puzzled looks follow, because people inevitably think I have some kind of arm/hand muscle spasm whenever I set my controller down. However, it is a small price to pay for an incredibly sweet game-controlling piece of technology.
Week in Review: Part 2 – While in Seattle, I also became the proud owner of a Platinum GBA. Despite being the owner of a perfectly fine Glacier colored GBA, I had an essential human desire to own the “hot, new” GBA, and as such, was forced to buy one. Actually, it served a greater purpose, because I gave my old one to my cousins as a late/early Christmas present (depending on which year they consider it for), because theirs was stolen out of one of their backpacks while at their school. (If I ever catch you, GBA thief, you will pay the highest of prices!) Of course, now that I own a Platinum GBA, I am naturally “bling-blingin’”, as the homeys seem to enjoy saying, and I would say it myself, were it not for the fact that I would then have to kick my own ass.
Week in Review: Part 3 – Perhaps the greatest thing I have ever received also came to me on the trip. See, it was my birthday over the course of my trip, (June 8th to be precise. For those of you who would like to send belated gifts, please contact me and I will give you suitable mailing information.) and my cousin Teddy gave me, for said birthday, a true thrift store find. It is a shirt, but not just any shirt. It is one of two things. It is either a jersey from a baseball team sponsored by the Nintendo warehouse division in North Bend, Washington, or else it is in fact the company softball jersey from the North Bend Nintendo site. Either way it rocks, and I will be posting a picture of it (somewhere, at some time in the future) in all its sweetness. I would take a picture of me wearing it, but no one is here to take a picture of me now, and I’m really not sure if I can stand right now anyway, having moved a scant 20 minutes ago. (See the first topic of discussion I brought up.) This is definitely thrift store gold, and quite the striking addition to my already stellar wardrobe.
Week in Review: Part 4 – I just have to give a “shout out” to Primetime, my cousin’s van which brought me, my cousin, and my girlfriend all the way from Seattle to Minnesota unharmed. Primetime is definitely the definition of luxury, and we even have it setup with a GameCube. There’s nothing like doing 80 across the country while partaking in a game of Monkey Bowling with my girlfriend. Well, I could probably think of a couple things that would beat that, but I won’t go into further detail here, as this is not one of those kind of sites.
Notre Dame Baseball – While I’m on the topic of “shout outs”, I want to “holla” at my “dawg”, Peter Ogilvie, who is my hero and pitched for the ND baseball team in the College World Series on Tuesday. They may have dropped that game, but Pete, you’re still the man, and I am anxious to once again see you and Teddy reinvent profanity as you play against the Princess in Mario Tennis this year. (This is something that has to be seen to be believed, loyal readers. Dice Clay has nothing on my cousin and Pete when they play the Princess in Mario Tennis.) There’s also a new NFL Blitz on the way, so we will have much competitive cussing to catch up on when I see you again.
Spam – No, I am not talking the delectable luncheon meatish type product, I am referring to the goddamned emails, which are sent from Satan’s own account (Beelzebaub666@hotmail.com, I believe.) directly to me. I returned home from vacation to a full mailbox of 77 messages, a grand total of 6 of which were sent to me by sources of my voluntary choosing or other actual human beings that I actually know. This is another sign to me that perhaps the human race would be better off exterminated entirely, or that the Internet or computers in general should just be turned over to creatures that would put them to better use, like iguanas. While it is nice to know that girls like “Kelly” want to share with me the “great weekend they had with [her] boyfriend and Gina, [her] best friend”, and were apparently even courteous enough to record it on their webcam, I somehow have to let them down easy. Namely, by deleting the email the second it comes in with 7 others from very similarly named, yet slightly varied Yahoo accounts.
Well, I’m going to wrap this up now, because it got quite lengthy in a short amount of time, and I can only hope that there is perhaps one person still reading at this point. (Thanks for sticking through it, Mom!) If I think of anything ingenious to share with you, like if I happen to pick up a case of shin splints or something, I’ll post some really nifty article like this for it. Otherwise, I will return sometime in the future with more random ramblings, or if you’re lucky, and actual column with a point. (don’t get your hopes up though.) Until then, do something productive with your lives, like counting the seconds to Eternal Darkness is released. I know I will be! 333,000, 332,999, 332,998…
Agree with what I'm saying? Disagree? Let us know your thoughts on this issue in our mail bag. The views of Neal Gittens are not necessarily the views of NGenres.com or its affiliates.
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| "This will end up basically being a hodgepodge collection of random thoughts and tidbits from the last few weeks of my life, so those of you who are fans of continuous theme in your readings, please be forewarned." |
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