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Editorials   Mario Kart Cometh...But How?
- By Nathaniel Walker [Associate Editor]

When we were last with our four-wheeled heroes, they were poised on the brink of oblivion. Thousands upon thousands of loyal fans were awaiting some news of their health, some indication that their powers of charm and previous glory would prevent them from falling into the chasm of obscurity. The tension was almost beyond the realm of human endurance--no one had heard so much as a screech of the wheel for, totally like, a million years. To the blind, it was all just another veil of Nintendo secrecy; but to the true believer, it was a tolling bell. Every additional second without a glimpse of the Karted Ones was a suspended moment, a bottomless shot glass of limbo (?). So we waited. And we listened. And we watched. But alas! it was to no avail. E3 2002 came and went without so much as a hint of redemption for our woe-befallen, banana-hurling comrades. It was in truth a bittersweet moment: the cliff edge peopled by our karted protagonists was not made a safer place to hang by Nintendo’s other victories. In fact, many would say that the brilliant light given out by Metroid, Mario, Link, and Star Fox served only to cast our heroes into deeper shadows. Nintendo exploded forth in unsurpassed glory, and then was silent. Mario Kart was not lifted to its proper place among the stars. It was not even seen.

Or was it? In a Deux ex Machina of colossal scale, everyone’s favorite demigod Shigeru Miyamoto tossed a tiny line out to those of us left swinging by our fingernails in the wake of Mario Kart’s stated absence. On the 30th of May, 2002, the stunningly effective Planet GameCube posted the following news clip (and I quote):

"During the Nintendo developer's roundtable last week, Shigeru Miyamoto mentioned that the new Mario Kart game is moving along very well. He said it could have been shown in playable form during this year's E3, but Nintendo wanted to focus only on their games due out before E3 2003. Miyamoto also explained that no screenshots of Mario Kart have been shown because they would reveal what kind of game it is."

Whether this was for Miyamoto a muted boast of inevitable victory or a throatless cry for help, I do not know. What I do know is, it is some kinda lame that they didn’t at least show a clip or something. What did he mean, what with the howfore ze schkreenschots “would reveal what kind of game it is”? That’s not funny. That’s bloody mysterious, folks.

And there we have it. Our red shell-toting heroes have been plucked from their suspended state, safe and sound, and then spirited off to somewheres unknown. My own karted heart is full of both relief and longing. We know that the game is happening for real now, but we have no idea what sort of game it will be. Miyamoto has previously mentioned that he wants the game to be different, special, a departure from the kart racing formula that so many less creative design groups have mimicked. Many fans--myself included--have speculated about how Miyamoto might change Mario Kart’s form yet retain its spirit. But wow--the fact that even showing one measly screenshot would reveal “what kind of game it is” throws all of my previously conservative conjecture straight out of the seventh-story window. First of all, we know that the changes are drastic enough that they are instantly clear upon the first studied glance. Secondly, I cannot help but wonder if Miyamoto said “kind of game” because the new Mario Kart will fit into a specific category of one sort or another. It’s already a racer…what else could it be?

Many people have assumed that the next Mario Kart will be Nintendo’s debut online game. And it can be intelligently generalized that online games look fundamentally different in terms of screen icon content/placement. It’s possible, and the whole bit about “what kind of game it is” certainly doesn’t detract from that theory. But I for one am skeptical. After all, Nintendo has expressed some serious reservation about jumping on board the as-yet-unproven online game bandwagon. And to take such a risk with such a major franchise? Unlikely, it seems to me. I am willing to admit that it is possible that the powers that be are waiting in the wings, preparing to pounce kart-style on the online market if it spreads as aggressively and with as much speed as Sony and Microsoft are betting their little bollocks it will. But I hope not. I love Mario Kart, and I am not a big online gamer. Keep it real, yo! I am of the bright-eyed opinion that Miyamoto had true innovation in mind when he spoke of Mario Kart’s visible revolution. My own personal pet theory, and I have mixed feelings about it, is that the next Mario Kart will be--drum roll, please--a first-person racer! Picture it: you can see Mario’s little gloved mitts on the steering wheel in the lower portion of the screen, with a hint of front wheels on either side. The crazy hopping and mad spin action would provide for some nauseatingly wonderful first-person dynamics. And just think of the fun we would have careening around those whimsical tracks as if we were really there! The shells would be hilarious to watch, the bananas would be all the more nerve-racking, and the shrunken-by-lighting effect would be a delight to behold. Of course, it would be a decent call to allow the player to option the classic third-person perspective. And third-person would almost be a necessity for split screen multiplayer stuff (I surmise). But I think a first-person perspective option could be a real blast.

And this, folks, is really the only thing I can personally imagine happening to Mario Kart that would make even a mere screenshot too much of a spoiler. Online? It would certainly be a shorter leap. But Miyamoto, boys and girls, has never been one to qualm at cliff’s edge. But who am I to talk? Just a wee li’l fan with a mouth the size of my vitamin-deficient imagination. Let me finish by saying that I for one am just grateful that we can now say for certain that Mario Kart for the GameCube is inevitable. It will happen. And regardless of Shigeru’s take on the next form, I believe he and his will maintain the spirit of the game. That’s the advantage of being a Nintendo fan! Faith. I have faith. My theories might be absurd, and my obsession down-right discouraging, but I love me some kart and would trust it in no other hands but Nintendo’s (hands). It’s fun to guess and wonder, but honestly: if my ideas compared to those of the great Shiggy than I would probably not be renting. I would be owning. Now howz about some good old FRICKIN’ screenshots?