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Editorials   The Gamer's Guide to Dating
- By Mike Ryan [Senior Editor]

Well kids, the amazingly pointless Sweetest Day is upon us, and much to the chagrin of many males, cards, candy and flowers must be purchased in order to keep that special lady happy. But what about your gaming interests? Women require full-time maintenance. How on Earth are you going to balance gaming and dating? Even more importantly, how can you get your girlfriend to take the same enjoyment in videogames that you do?

Well, fear not, because the dating experts here at NGenres have been toiling away, trying to figure out exactly how to combine gaming and girls into a smorgasbord that makes the casual gamer a happy man. Suffice to say, they failed miserably. So we just threw some stuff together for the sake of updating the site. Enjoy!

Rule 1: Go Retro
No woman can resist the classics, such as Pac-Man or Pole Position. If you want to start your gal on gaming, go with a game such as Namco Collection. I have never met a single woman who has never played Dig-Dug or Ms. Pac-Man when they were a young lass. Once they've mastered the basics, you're ready to introduce them to a title that isn't 20-some odd years old.

Rule 2: Give Her the Benefit of the Doubt
Women love to be in control. If your lady is around when you're playing a title, such as Resident Evil, let her tell you what to do. Let's face it - you know you have to put that broken shotgun on the wall in order to get the regular shotgun, but she doesn't know that you know. It gives them a sense of empowerment - and communication is the basis of a strong relationship.

Rule 3: Throw a Fight or Two
I know, I know. Throwing a multiplayer match is tandem to blasphemy in the gaming community. But if you just keep getting off those headshots against her in multiplayer Timesplitters 2, she'll get bored very easily. So throw a few - just make sure it looks like you are legitimately losing the match. It may also be useful to up her handicap a bit, that way it's more of a challenge to you, and easier for her to kick your ass.

Rule 4: Divvy up your Time
Even more than being in control, women pine attention. It won't kill you to take a few minutes from your game to listen to her stupid story about how everyone at her job doesn't work as hard as she does, or how she ran into a classmate from over twenty years ago. Remember - games have pause buttons, women do not. Although we all would like this situation to be the other way around. If only every woman had an on/off switch on the top of their heads like VICCI from Small Wonder, the world would be a better place.

Rule 5: Dumb Down your Gaming Knowledge a Notch
Look - she has no clue what a Shine Sprite is - so don't bother going into a detailed description of what they are. She doesn't want to hear it just as much as you don't want to hear most of the stuff she has to say. Just give her the basics, that's all she really needs.

These are just a few suggestions to those who will unfortunately be away from their GameCubes tonight, and at some restaurant with their gal. So go enjoy this corporate-created "holiday" as much as you can, and just wait until Sunday to get in your gaming time.

Oh yeah, one more thing - never, ever accidently call her "Zelda" or "Samus." It just makes things worse. Believe me.