Sound:  
Nothing too impressive here. There are a few looped tunes behind the menus, and a few whistles and stuff during the games, but otherwise, not much to speak of. On the plus side, there are absolutely NO licensed Spice Girls songs to be found. That should count for something!

Gameplay:  
There are a few modes to choose from. Friendly, which is a single match, Competition Mode, where you can play a Euro League format or a straight elimination tournament, and Season, where you take your favorite team through a whole season. The good thing is, there are a few modes to choose from. The bad thing is, all of them require you to play actual games of David Beckham soccer, which is really, really not good times.

The play within the games is just bad. You dribble the ball around, until one of the opposing team members inevitably steals it from you, and then you try to get it back from them. Eventually, you may even score a goal, but you probably won’t care, because it delays the game from being over as fast as possible. There is no real flow to the game, you can’t set up any kind of plays, and it ends up as a random kicking of the ball until you maybe end up with it in front of the goal. As a big time soccer fan and player, I can’t forgive this kind of shoddy game design. In season mode, the real “kicker”, (bad pun, I apologize), is that you need to play a full week of the season to get the game to save, which usually means two games. So you can’t even play one game and save, you actually have to sit through two of them just to make any progress. This is made that much worse, due to the fact that one game is nearly intolerable to sit through. The games just aren’t fun at all, aren’t true to the pace and strategy of soccer, and will drive you nuts with their randomness and lack of depth.

There are a few things added to this game that you won’t find in other soccer games. You can get a biography of Beckham, detailing his life, from birth up to his betrothing to Miss Posh herself. There’s also a Q&A transcript where he talks incessantly about some guy named Bryan Robson. You also learn tidbits like what his favorite meal is before a game. (Fill in your own Posh Spice joke here, sickos.) It’s a decent addition and adds a little personality to the game, but isn’t enough to make up for the lack of any decent soccer gameplay behind the Beckham name on the game.

Control:
A simple control scheme, for a simple game. A is to pass, and slide tackle when you don’t have the ball. B is to shoot, and the control pad moves your character. That’s it. Two buttons. Let’s try to remember all that…

Multiplayer:
No multiplayer. You will only be able to inflict the pain of playing the game on yourself.

OVERALL:
Beckham Soccer steps on to the pitch with very little going for it. A poor engine, poor gameplay, and a few extraneous extras are not enough to satisfy any gamer, and especially the hardcore soccer fans who may pick the game up. It’s a poor package as a whole, and definitely less than I expected from a game endorsed by one of the best soccer players in the world. For anyone looking for some soccer enjoyment on the go, you’d be better off spending your money on a soccer ball and kicking that around with you. Perhaps for the next one, the developers can have enough foresight to somehow get a hold of some racy pictures of Mrs. Beckham to incorporate. Perhaps that would be enough to justify the other shortcomings, but there would have to be a LOT of pictures, with very LITTLE, or preferably NO, clothing. We can only hope for such steps forward from this series.

 

The Lowdown on  David Beckham Soccer Aesthetics: Terrible Control: Below Average Gameplay: Terrible Multiplayer: Sound: Below Average Innovation: 1/6 Lasting Appeal: 1/6 Overall: Terrible! "For use as a Coaster, Frisbee, or for Skeet Shooting Only"